The Happiness Advantage

If you haven’t seen Shawn Achor’s TED talk, you really ought to take 15 minutes and check it out. This is especially true if it’s Monday morning and you’ve just begun to dread the work week ahead. To sum things up, Shawn purports that we’ve been thinking about success backward. We in the Western World tend to think that if we are successful, then we will be happy. Shawn’s premise, full of supporting researching, is that if we are happy, then we will be successful.

http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html

I chose to do this just a few weeks ago. And yes, it happened to be a Monday morning. What’s happened to me has been explosive. I began to do some research and found that Shawn Achor has done a great deal of legitimate work with CEOs and executives around the world. His research was done as a proctor and lecturer at Harvard. Most importantly to me, his approach makes the changes a personal responsibility.

Without a second glance, I quickly ordered Achor’s first book, The Happiness Advantage. If utilized, this set of principals can “easily” help change the profitability of company I work for. My theory- due to recent experience- is that happy employees are more engaged and productive (When researching, I quickly found that I wasn’t the first to think this. As a matter of fact, Shawn wasn’t even the first. But he wrote a book.) Although there’s an element of “do-ability” that needs to be custom fit for the workplace I’m involved in, this is possible.

The Happiness Advantage, by Shawn Achor

Published by Random House, 2010

I.                    Part 1:Positive Psychology at Work

a.       Introduction- If success drives happiness, then every employee who has received a raise or bonus ought to be happy. However, we find that this level of happiness is short-lived. Research in positive psychology and neuroscience shows us that happiness actually drives success; cultivating positive brains fuels this competitive edge that Shawn calls The Happiness Advantage. 

b.      Discovering the Happiness Advantage

c.       The Happiness Advantage at Work

d.      Change is Possible

II.                 Part 2: Seven Principles

a.       Principle #1: The Happiness Advantage- Positive brains have a biological advantage over neutral or negative brains; we can retrain our brains positively to increase productivity and performance.

b.      Principle #2: The Fulcrum and The Lever- We can adjust our mindset in a way that gives us the power to be more fulfilled and successful.

c.       Principle #3: The Tetris Effect- We can retrain our brains to focus on patterns of possibility rather than stress and negativity

d.      Principle #4: Falling Up- In times of stress and crisis, our brains map different paths to cope. Learning to choose a path that leads us not only up and out but teaches us to be happier as a result is possible.

e.       Principle #5: The Zorro Circle- When overwhelmed, we become hijacked by emotion. To regain control, learn to focus on small, manageable goals slowly expanding the circle.

f.        Principle #6: The 20-Second Rule- Creating new habits can be challenging. By taking small, incremental steps we can replace bad habits with good.

g.       Principle #7: Social Investment- One of the greatest predictors of success and achievement is our social support network.

III.               Part 3: The Ripple Effect

Spreading The Happiness Advantage at work, at home and beyond- Although the only person we can change is ourselves, making positive changes affects everyone around us.

One of the beautiful things about the seven principals is that they are not incremental; they need not be followed in order. Nor do all seven need to be in place to impact change. It’s been my experience, both personal and in behavior that I’ve observed that even that smallest, positive thought can trigger another positive thought, and so on. Is this one way to impact change in the world? Maybe. 

Moving Through Loneliness To Get To Alone

Weekends tend to be the roughest. While I love my time on my own- time to meditate, to reflect, to create, to just be- I’ve found that I miss a certain human interaction… hugs in particular. There’s a formula out there that ascertains the need for four hugs a day to survive, 8 hugs to thrive and 10 or more to….[I’m not sure]. The bottom line is that I’m malnourished in the hug department. Don’t get me wrong, I do what I can, short of stopping random strangers at the grocery store. I hug my yoga friends, and sometimes my co-workers (though they’re getting a bit skeptical). I’ve made some church acquaintances that accept my physicality. But what’s one to do when she has a lack of huggable folks in her midst? 

I recently spent four glorious days with all four of my offspring. It was a hug-fest! I filled up that nearly empty hug well, yet have found an interesting phenomenon~ I still want more!  Perhaps the word “want” is a part of the challenge. Determining the difference between “wants” and “needs” takes me back to the kindergarten curriculum of Junior Achievement that I taught a few years ago. We’ll probably all agree that while we may want new things, ie. “toys”, we don’t necessarily need them. Yet we do need basics such as food, shelter, clothing. And yes, affection. 

But does that affection need to come from others? Consider the Dali Lama or the Pope- do they walk around offering up hugs? I don’t think so, unless this is done outside of the public eye. We see hand shaking, shoulder squeezing, but I can’t recall seeing either of these relics busting out with a tight chest-to-chest grip. Perhaps that necessary affection might partially come from within. 

It seems that this would be a good thing to learn; not so oddly, we’ve heard it time and time again- love thyself. Over the past few months on my own here in Haslett, I’ve been learning how to be my own best friend. Being a good friend involves the little things- exercising and feeding myself well, while allowing the occasional treat; allowing myself space when necessary, but taking myself out into public when I need some socialization. At least once each weekend I allow myself the choice of a freeform day- there may be things to accomplish, but the order is not important. Perhaps one of the toughest parts about being my own best friend is being honest with me. I count on my journal for that- that’s my safe place to put down hopes, dreams, hurts and accomplishments; large and small. I bounce some of those private pieces off of other best friends- those whose feedback I trust and may even accept. Admitting when a part of my life isn’t working isn’t easy, but always necessary to moving forward. This is tough self-love.

Interestingly, I looked around the yoga studio the other morning before class and had the most freeing revelation. There was a myriad of folks practicing- young, old, male, female, body types of all sizes. I felt no need to compare, in fact I was in awe of the beauty of each form. Then I looked in the mirror and gave thanks to myself for taking me to yoga and to my body for the amazing things that it’s done and continues to do. Such an amazing tool I’ve been given to walk through this life; I gladly take care of this gift the best that I can. 

When these thoughts come to me, I know I’m getting somewhere in the self-love department. Let’s call them “hugs from within”.

Meeting Me Where I Am

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve published a blog post~ February 24 was the last. As I consider life over these past months, I’m left with one word- exhaustion. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually- I’m just plain tired. And for the first time in the history of me, I’m okay with that.

Let me back up a bit so ya’ll can catch up. In March 2013, my father was diagnosed with throat cancer. Just prior to the diagnosis, my sisters and I had undertaken a very diligent, organized and intentional care-taking regimen involving both of our parents. Much- if not all- of the week to week appointments were the arena my older sister chose; my younger sister tended to many day to day details; she’s an extraordinary caseworker. Given limited resources, I made the three hour drive one weekend a month loaded down with healthy meals from my freezer stock. My reasoning was that at least I could control what was available for them to eat. After the diagnosis and subsequent surgery (which found the tumor inoperable as it had wound it’s way around the windpipe), appointments with doctors, for chemo and radiation- they all kicked into high gear. Beth, Barb and I knew we couldn’t do it all on our own, so we summoned a team. For a couple of months I worked and slept with my phone at my side- the three of us were tethered by text and email messages with constant updates to each other.

In the middle of this darkness, a ray of light also entered my life- I fell in love. While I suppose that timing is never “perfect” for meeting a partner, this was truly an unlikely time. Despite the amount of strength I know I possess, the gratitude I’ve felt for the arrival of another rock to stand beside me is immense. His home became a refuge where I could go to attempt relaxation; weekends, when not on the road, I could be found at Ronnie’s Spa. When the time came, he was a strong shoulder to lean on as my son honored his grandfather by singing “Amazing Grace” at the memorial service.

If you know my father, you know that life on anyone’s terms other than his own just won’t do. Chemo and radiation treatments didn’t last long- he didn’t like being “zapped” and feeling like a limp noodle. Though never given a prognosis, we saw a quick deterioration; at times we (Beth) was able to rally his spirits- usually involving a glass of chablis- but the bursts were short lived. The troops gathered to celebrate Dad’s birthday on June 2; then two weeks later, on Father’s Day, he passed.

While putting together this post, I found the following dated June 11, a week before his death: “I sat down last night to write a blog post. Okay honestly, I sat down last night to write an obituary, but wanted to procrastinate by writing a blog post. In the end I chose to do my duty as the “daughter who writes” and put together a first draft for my father to edit. You see, my father is dying of lung cancer. His life is pretty touch and go these days, but yesterday was one with much clarity and lucidity. In a pretty non-stop fashion I received text messages from my younger sister who sat by his side. I imagined the smiles and laughter in the living room where the two of them were sitting approximately 200 miles south. One message read something like, “All grand kids mentioned in obit. US Army 1954- 1956. Grad WMU 1957. Lawson YMCA, First National Bank then started in real estate in 1965.” What a surreal experience to transcribe these life events. When I received the text that read “Picture should be the one of him in red plaid sweater”, I literally laughed out loud. Of course my father knows just what he wants; he always has. Like Carlo Rossi by the jug. And chocolate. I am truly my father’s daughter.”

Driving north on Father’s Day, I experienced my first anxiety attack- while driving 70 mph+ on 131. I made it about ⅔ of the way to Traverse City before I had to pull over. Grateful to get off the highway safely and into the nearest gas station, I called My Rock, my sister and my daughter. Humility isn't something I do well; with no other choice I told them that I needed help. I cried and napped on and off for two hours as I waited for them to arrive. And they did.

I’m pretty certain that there is no “normal” way to grieve; each individual brings their own set of stuff to that table. Me being me, decided to overload the table. In July I decided to take a job transfer to the Lansing area- the timeline for working full-time in the new office was the end of August. I set about doing the stuff necessary- both personally and professionally- to prep for the move; the big question was “What about the house?” Bottom-line- I still own it. After finding an apartment in the Lansing area, I spent the months of August and September driving between the two offices weekly. Interestingly, the driving stuff was complicated by vertigo- a lovely residual effect of the increased anxiety. I had to ask for help again- The Rock was there, as was my boss. Together we all worked it out. Again, with the humility and acceptance. And added learning that I don’t always have to have all the answers.

So here we are, the first week of October. I’m sitting at the kitchen counter-top in my little one-bedroom 500 square foot apartment. Alone, well, except for the cat (that’s another story). The vertigo, though not all gone, has drastically diminished so I’m able to drive safely. From time to time I find myself crying; why doesn’t really matter. I just do it. Because to not to would mean imploding. And I’m writing again- that’s always good.

I'm often asked by folks that I meet here why I’d want to leave “paradise”. My answer? Because I could. For the first time in over 25 years I was able to make a decision where I wasn't compelled to consider what was best for four other people- my offspring. As a matter of fact, they were by-in-large supportive of it being my turn for an adventure. You know what’s really funny? I find myself doing the same things here in Haslett that I did in Traverse City; I go to work, go to yoga, shop and cook. Same stuff, new people and places. It’s a surreal mix of old/new. As my dear friend and yoga teacher recently reminded me, it’s 99% mental. I think that means that it is what we decide it will be. And I’ve decided that it’s time for some rest, along with another box of tissues.

Letting Go With Love

I need to be completely honest here: I find it much easier to let go with hate, especially when that which is being let go is a relationship with another human, personal or otherwise. Competitive to the core, I’m able to come up with a list ½ mile long of why I am the better person, why I deserve more or better or faster or, or, or…Making things so black and white allows me to come out on top, with the halo. But you know what else I end up with? Sometimes guilt, sometimes shame and sometimes I’ve given up any opportunity to ever approach that person again with my pride intact; all the bridges have been burned. Then what am I left with? Yup. I’m left alone with me, and a new pile of manure to attend to. Hmmm, I trade one pile for another.

Sooooo…., what if I attempt this spiritually enlightened idea of letting go with love? No setting up teams, no losing- everyone wins. The first element that needs to change is my perception that pain, loss, discomfort and sadness are bad emotions to be avoided at all costs. Now, bear in mind that in order to continue to change this perception, I must also give up all of the coping mechanisms that I’ve adapted over the years to “deal” with these feelings. I gave up the drugs and alcohol long ago and continue to give up “eating” these emotions. Within the last year, my body has shut down a bit so that I am not always able to workout to counteract this stuff. I’ve been left with feeling. Ugh. How interesting is it that when left alone to feel, I’ve decided to turn back to a competitive scenario- the human psyche is interesting indeed.  

I wonder if this would be easier if I didn’t use the extremes of “love” and “hate”? Maybe I need a different phrase. Maybe, just maybe the concept is as simple as trusting; trusting myself that I’m making the right decision, and that I’m hearing positive direction from the Universe [Yes, this hole just keeps getting deeper.]

Let’s simplify this concept and apply it to the kitchen. Today I threw caution to the wind and made soup created completely without a recipe. My general modus operandi is to check through the recent saved recipes to see if one catches my attention. Today I decided to challenge myself and not go to the store for ingredients; instead I had to use what I had on hand. The resulting aroma is now wafting through the house- a wonderfully flavorful vegetable soup with chicken and quinoa. I started by heating some olive oil, adding a couple cloves of garlic minced and a handful of chopped red onion. This is one of the best smells ever! (My friend West has referred to the aroma of sizzling garlic and onion as Chanel #9) Next I went to the produce drawers where I found carrots, parsnips, zucchini, yellow squash and fennel. I eyed a couple of tomatoes on the counter; thinking, as grandma always said, that the color would be a nice addition. I decided to go with some chopped spinach from the freezer instead. Into the pot along with the veggies went a couple cups of chicken left from yesterday’s rotisserie, some rosemary, thyme, sea salt and pepper. In the end when the pot was bubbling nicely, a cup of quinoa was added, the flame was turned to low and the top put on the stock pot. Mission accomplished.  

Trust. I knew that I’d be able to put together a pretty good pot-full of yumminess, but this result is gastronomically awesome- much better than anticipated. It’s a big step to compare the act of trusting my cooking instincts to that of trusting my instincts in regard to human relationships- the emotions seem so much more where real when other people are involved. However I will allow myself this cooking success, knowing that I’ve arrived here by building upon each experience with the soup pot- taking a risk each time. And ultimately isn’t that what we do when we allow people into our lives? We trust in the risk and trust in the lesson. Oh yeah, there’s always one of those.

Peace, Love and Vegetables

Driving down the road the other day, I noticed a bumper sticker on the car ahead of me. It was one of the symbolic types, no words, just images. I was focusing so hard that I almost forgot to stop with the rest of the traffic at a red light. After slamming on the brakes, I was able take a good look. The peace sign was easily recognized; as was the heart- I presume the statement intended was “love”. But the last symbol befuddled me; I just couldn’t figure it out. It looked like a head of broccoli. Seriously? Now, I’m a broccoli lover from way back, but I’m not sure that my adoration is sufficient to capture on a bumper sticker. So I started thinking- what would make sense in this instance? Well, “vegetables” of course.

“Peace, Love and Vegetables”, now that’s a statement I can stand solidly behind. I’ve stated before that the deeper I delve into my yoga practice, the more healthfully I want to eat. Now that we’re past the heavy holiday season, I’ve made a devoted effort to get back to clean eating- nothing processed, nothing “white”. For the past two weeks I’ve gone so far as to try to keep intake to naturally micronutrient rich foods (yeah, cool term that I learned by watching the documentary “Sick, Fat and Almost Dead” and reading a little by nutritionist, Joel Fuhrman). Micronutrients=vitamins & minerals. The foods dominating this category are green, leafy vegetables; broccoli, radishes and cabbage are next; then come fruits, nuts and seeds, beans and legumes, and whole grains near the end. Meat and dairy are at the bottom of the scale. More information, along with a cool chart of these so-called “Superfoods” can be found at www.eatrightamerica.com/erni-superfoods.

To help me on my journey to consume more phytochemicals (yeah, hit the link above), I recently purchased a juicer. Now, you need to know that I still eat veggies in their whole form; this fiber is important to flush the colon and keep things running smoothly. The juicer allows me to take in even more of this ultimate, natural medicine in the form of colorful veggies. This naturally occurring, readily available food provides the vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals necessary to normalize and boost the immune system and to enable our body’s detox and cellular repair mechanisms that protect us from cancer and other diseases.

If what I eat can keep me healthy, more energetic and more efficient, logic dictates that I ought to steer in that direction when choosing what goes in my mouth.  I can change my thinking so that what I eat is fuel for not only my body, but also for my mind and spirit. Well, there we go.

Mark Epstein, M.D. takes this “food as fuel” theme one step further in a refreshing fusion of East and West entitled “All You Can Eat” found on the Yoga Journal website (www.yogajournal.com). While many ideas are explored, one rings true for me- espousing that perhaps those of us who are addicted to food ought to eat more. The addiction, of course, is born of an unhealthy obsession. Some of us may be reaching for food to pacify an emotional need; if we keep ourselves from reaching, we inevitably will binge. But obsession could be healthy. Like a fixation with yoga, a focus on food could eventually lead to a sense of peace. Essentially, the idea is to eat more often, not necessarily a larger quantity. If a slow and steady stream is maintained, the “need” or desire or compulsion to overindulge may be dissuaded. To be obsessed with food need not be a shameful act; actually it may be preferred as we learn to listen to our internal selves, all the while being kind and gentle.

Letting Go~ Again and Still

I’ve been working on another blog post for over three weeks; starting, stopping, editing, rewriting- in essence it’s been kinda tough. And that’s odd for me; generally these posts just flow, or perhaps more appropriately, they are jettisoned from my consciousness. This morning it occurred to me that perhaps I’d been pushing too hard to make the post appear. It was beginning to feel as though I was pregnant and WAY overdue, trying everything I could to get that “baby” to be birthed. Inevitably, like that baby in utero, the post is out of my control. Well, kind of. And so I’ve decided to just let go and move on.

Oddly, “Let Go” has been my mantra for a while. Funny thing about using a mantra, and/or praying, you just may end up getting what you ask for. In my case, it’s been a number of opportunities, situations, and people to let go of. Forgive me if I have a hard time laughing at myself here- admittedly I do like to organize and plan things. And at times those actions may come across as controlling. Maybe that’s because they are. But as I listen more to my heart, and stop engaging in internal battle, the letting go becomes very simple.

Letting go and slowing down seem to go hand in hand. One interesting thing about me is the infernal internal battle. It’s my mind, my brain, that stays busy and that wants my physical body to follow suit. It tells me to “do this”, or “do that”; “stop that, and go back to this”. At times I feel as though there’s a little ADHD going on here. But it’s just a mind-trip- the desire of my mind to keep me moving so I don’t slow down and feel, or listen. You see, my mind has the ability to completely destroy me. Slowing down, and at times dismissing a life-long pattern is tough. However I’ve found it necessary. Just like my body that has screamed at me to pay attention, my soul is now longing for equal time. Conquer the mind and the body will flow.

This is an ongoing challenge. I’ve noticed lately in yin yoga classes that the teacher speaks of easing into a posture and letting go, or making space. I’ve heard encouragement at times to not fill that space so quickly- to leave it open for possibility. My mind so wants to complete the puzzle, to add the missing piece. The challenge remains to keep open and allow the “filler” to come. This is a tough post to write, because the intricacies are incredibly intertwined. Most often I can cut to the chase and see the simplicity; but not so here. When I choose the filler, the outcome may not be positive. Yet when I allow opportunity, through action/exploration, that filler is more likely to speak to my soul.

I was once told that only the mind is real; that the emotions are not. While there may be some truth in this, I propose that the ultimate reality is the soul. This is the seat of all knowledge and truth. The mind, or ego, simply thinks it has all the answers. How do we discern between the ideas of the mind and the truth of the soul? We simply need time to listen, to know. Then we are led. Oddly the timeline that unfolds is never of our making.

Remember that movie “Field of Dreams”? The famous line is “If we build it, they will come.” There’s lots of personal truth in that statement. For me it means to build the yoga practice, build the stamina and discipline to listen- work beyond the asanas. And the truth will come. Letting go of the mind is the key.

The Book...Take One

In September, I self-published my first recipe compilation. I'm not quite sure why I haven't shared the publication here. Sheer terror perhaps? More than likely it just didn't occur to me until now to make the announcement. I've got a middle-aged brain after all.

The compilation contains many favorites that I've found, have been given and have literally run in to. Some of the recipes I've "cleaned up" a bit, and others have been left as is. Cooking is a very creative endeavor for me; that freedom keeps it fun and fresh. I subscribe to a few different foodie blogs, and have recipes from sites such as www.realsimple.com  and www.graciouspantry.com delivered directly to my inbox. It's incredibly handy to have recipes arrive that way. Though from time to time I get cravings just reading my email. And there are always more recipes to try than I have time for. This, I think, is a good problem to have.

Below you'll find an excerpt from "Regarding Rebecca"- a different kind of Foreword.

September 2012

This is much easier to write if I start with what I am not. I am NOT: a chef- professionally trained or otherwise; a restaurant owner; a food critic or food writer- I'm not a professional foodie at any level. I’m not a nutritionist or a personal trainer; though in my own mind (through delusions of grandeur) I’ve been all of the above. I am a woman who, after years of battling food addiction, exercise addiction, low self-esteem and all the assorted "stuff" that goes along with these issues, finally admitted that she needed some help to get it right.

For close to 50 years, I've attempted to battle this demon on my own through research: the latest and greatest in nutrition and/or exercise never got past me. After my years as a high school athlete, I wore leg warmers with Jane [Fonda], lifted weights with the guys at the gym, and put on the gloves with Billy Blanks [Tae Bo]. I’ve probably logged a million miles of walking and running, at times with both human and canine partners. I know about all of the food pyramid formats, eating five to stay alive, low-carb and the grapefruit diet. Lack of knowledge has never been my problem. The challenge has been my lack of patience. I’ve been a victim of my own thinking- “I want what I want when I want it.” A healthy body, however, relies on a healthier lifestyle for which there’s no quick fix. 
    
The need to work consistently on my personal health was drummed into me beginning in September 2010.  My daughter, Bridget asked me if I'd join her in an eight-week program that our chiropractor’s had designed called "The Biggest Winner". Now, I’m no dummy and I know that anytime my 16 year old asks me to do something with her, I say yes (as long as the request is within reason, of course). So we signed up for what was billed to be a “jump-start” to healthier living.
    
Initially, I signed up to “support” Bridget; I knew I had a handle on living healthfully (sarcasm intended). After all, I had my five to six day per week Bikram yoga practice, I had the food pyramid memorized, was careful to eat five to seven servings of fruit and vegetables per day and only ate sweets every once in awhile...well, unless I was baking cookies or there was a “need” to drive to Moomers. In my mind, I had this thing licked. I chose to ignore the fact that I had been on a plateau with my weight for over a year. Logic dictates that eating healthfully on a regular basis along with regular exercise would equal weight loss, right? 
    
...continued...
    

My sense of personal responsibility dictates that the more I know, the more responsible I become for my own health. I continue to educate myself, and highly recommend any book by Michael Pollan, the movies “Food Inc.” and “Forks Over Knives”. My greatest hope is that more people will begin to make the necessary changes in order to benefit their biggest asset, their health. Our country has some staggering statistics in regard to obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and several other crises that could be averted through lifestyle changes. It’s really very simple, but it's definitely not easy. Change very rarely is. Bottom line: We’re only given one body; our job is to be good stewards of this gift.
    

Middle Age Angst

The blessing of being a mother is one that can never be matched. I wouldn’t have known to ask for a gift so filled with lessons in patience, persistence, perseverance, kindness, fear, anger, letting go. Being a mother embodies the good, the bad and the ugly. And I’d never have it any other way; except for the times when it feels as though my heart is being ripped out of my chest.

I thought I was prepared for this stage of motherhood. For about four years I’ve made a conscious effort to befriend women who are either just a head of me, or in the same space. We’ve had coffee, shared experiences, hopes and strengths. As a core group we’ve gathered each other up and held one another- sometimes tight and warm, and sometimes at arms-length. We’ve chosen to be denial-busters and at other times have dried tears. Through it all we’ve held hands and hearts. I was mentally preparing, but clearly nothing could have adequately equipped me for this level of grief.

For twenty-four years I’ve been a mother whose primary role has been caretaker to her four children. For ten of those years I’ve been a single mother balancing the roles of chief breadwinner along with chauffeur, chef, scheduler, disciplinarian, counselor and all-around organizer. Slowly, as children have launched, the intensity of these roles has lessened. I didn’t know how painful the loss of these roles would be.

The day to day physical intensity is no longer needed. Gone are school events, conferences, meetings, games, practices and concerts. Enter the “revolving door” era when the multitude of comings and goings tugs at my heart strings like a pain I’ve never known. The gratitude I feel to see them on my doorstep melts into bittersweet moments of re-entry. Then, just as soon as I’m accustomed to them being home, they leave again. The tears fall. I know, intellectually, that they’re not leaving me; after all I’ve raised them with wings. It still feels that way sometimes. You know, those times when I’m not shouting “hallelujah” as the car pulls out of the driveway.

They promise to return. It’s what I’ve asked of them. With pictures and stories to share of their adventures. I am blessed that they choose to share their experiences, that they want to come home- to get grounded, feel safe, get cookies. Then they’re off again. Is it prideful that I feel such success at this behavior? It’s yet another bittersweet piece.

And now there’s me. It’s time for my adventure. New roles to try on, new hands to hold. It’s not an easy shift; while there may be others who could use my care, there’s some work to be done on me. I’m grateful for this time, and grateful for the awareness that I’m in need of some healing. There’s a hole that needs to be filled and instead of filling with external stuff- people, places, things- I’m gonna work toward knitting that hole back together from within. Though I won’t be surprised if a cookie or two passes my lips.

"Humbly Healthy" Isn't Just Physical Health

When I started blogging, I did so with the intent of espousing my experiences toward a more physically healthy me. Me with my clean eating, me with my Bikram Yoga, me and cooking all kinds of yumminess. Somewhere along the line, I stopped blogging and started doing different things, I’m just not sure what those activities were. Perhaps I was on a high similar to that when a relationship is new; you know what I mean, the adrenaline is pumping and all you can think about is the other person (or computer in my case). Slowly you come to realize that the honeymoon period is over; that’s when the relationship becomes real work. That’s just about the time I lost it with my blog. Not knowing what to write about, I stopped showing up. The funny thing is that I didn’t stop writing, I just stopped pushing the “publish” button. I started writing longhand in a journal. This time-honored practice is one I began as an adolescent. It’s comfortable enough to return to when life gets a little tough. Like macaroni and cheese, journaling is comfort food for my soul.

So what happened? In February/March of 2012 life was buzzing along at a nice, comfortable pace then BAM! my left knee started acting up. None of the strategies that I had used in the past were working to alleviate my pain. My Bikram yoga practice exaggerated my dis-ease, my chiropractor wasn’t able to adjust it in the correct manner, ice and/or heat were only short-term fixes. At the urging of a friend I took a big step out and visited my doctor. Of course all kinds of appointments were recommended- x-rays, blood work, visits to the orthopod. This taxed my already full schedule and almost empty bank account, and all to no avail. (Okay honestly, I didn’t keep the appointment with the orthopedic surgeon; no surgery for me!) Thankfully an alternate chiropractor- an “extremities expert” was recommended. After just three adjustments I felt enough relief to take a four-day, 1100 mile road trip late in April. Upon my return, I eased up on the Bikram practicing just 3-4 days per week and started experimenting with alternative types of yoga. This is when I discovered yin yoga, the polar opposite of the hot, sweaty Bikram. After combining the two for about a month, my budget reared it’s ugly head and choices had to be made.

The next alternate activity I tried was biking. I quickly fell in love with the early morning trek to work and long, peddle punching weekend rides. Yet in mid-July my body began to protest again intense pain screaming from the outside of my kneecap up along my hip and into the groin. A tight IT band was diagnosed. Please know that “patient” is not a term often used to describe me; clearly my body was forcing me to slow down and become patient. I didn’t like it. I got mad at my body. I rebelled. I got addicted to “Weeds” on Netflix. I started using painkillers to sleep at night. I got re-addicted to ice cream. I let my mind take over and began to feel sorry for myself. I didn’t want to have to work to get better, I just magically wanted it to happen. But it didn’t. My clothes started to get a bit tight and I was very uncomfortable in my own skin. I had the tools. I knew what to do. But I didn’t do it. I began to feel very discontent in every area of my life. My kids were leaving home; I was happy/sad. My job was going well, but I was bored. The relationship I was in was not working; but I held on anyway. I felt as though my life was out of my control; my emotions certainly were. My past coping technique of running to the Bikram studio was not an option- I was left with myself and my emotions and there was nothing to do but walk through the jumbled mess in my mind.

Thank the Universe, I took some time off around my birthday at the end of August. I had been happily anticipating turning 50 and wanted to make sure I took time to let it all sink in. The time, with no real plans or goals attached, was the ultimate gift. I had time for friends and time to write and time to cry and time to just sit on the porch with a cup of coffee while listening to the birds sing. Sigh. It was time to get back to ME. The true ME. The real ME. Not the scared, victimized person I had allowed myself to be. I ate ice cream and cake, but it was okay.

It seems as though sometimes we need to fall apart in order to be knit back together in a new way. I feel renewed strength and have begun a morning yoga routine to compliment my evening practice. My pain has begun to dissipate as I’ve taken the action I can to help myself one day at a time. My children “gifted” me with more unlimited yoga, so I’ve been able to get back to Yin, alternating daily with Bikram. As if by magic, I’ve given up ice cream and made a clean break with the man who wasn’t meeting my needs. I’ve renewed my commitment to blogging with an expanded purpose of addressing my whole health. It just makes more sense. Most wonderfully of all, The Universe has responded to this positive behavior with many enlightening messages and intentions. I’ll share some of those here. I’m happy to be back. P.S. It won't just be about me

The Sourdough Experiment

“Do over” has been my battle-cry as I attempt to master the craft of naturally leavened bread, also known as “sourdough”.

I became intrigued and inspired to try my hand at this age-old technique in September 2011 after investing in a $7 loaf of locally made yumminess. The list of ingredients was small: water, flour, salt. This fact alone makes it a healthier alternative, yet when I did a little research, I found the following:

Health Benefits of Sourdough
by Shannon on February 9, 2011 in Bakeshop

Sourdough breads are leavened by a starter that contains natural yeasts and acids. The airborne yeast creates the enzymes needed to eat up or predigest some of the toughest-on-your-belly parts of the grain. This action creates carbon dioxide, which gets trapped in tiny pockets of dough, resulting in a natural rising of the bread.

Breaks Down Gluten
The longer soaking/rising time breaks the proteins (gluten) down into amino acids, making it more easily digested. This is why some who have a gluten sensitivity can tolerate sourdough wheat breads.

Better Nutrient Profile
Like all other fermentation processes, the bacteria present in the sourdough starter eat the starch and sugars present in the grain. This results in a lowering of the starch or carbohydrate content of the bread, which is helpful for keeping blood sugar levels regulated. It also increases some of the vitamin and mineral content of the grain.

Naturally Preserves the Bread
The lactic acid in the bread creates a lovely tang and predigests the grain for you. The acetic acid produced in the souring process helps the bread to store longer, inhibiting the growth of molds.

Neutralizes Anti-Nutrients
Finally, the bacteria present in the sourdough help to activate phytase, an enzyme that breaks down an anti-nutrient present in all grains, beans, and seeds – phytic acid. This may seem minor, but phytic acid is known to strip your body of minerals and can be hard on your digestion.

None of this can be said of the quick action of commercial yeast.

No wonder I felt better when I made the choice to eat sourdough bread!

With my most determined “I can do that!” attitude, I created my “starter”, allowing it to ferment over the course of a few days. Over the weekend, I set up to bake. My first loaves were small and dense. I retarded the starter (also known as the “mother”) by storing it in the fridge during the week, bringing it out to bring to room temperature to “feed” on subsequent weekends. Over the course of 3 or 4 weeks, the loaves became bigger- wider, yet never very tall. I decided that my starter must be bad and I backburnered my efforts, once again resorting to the purchase of commercially manufactured whole grain bread.

In early December; I saw an ad for a Natural Leavening classes at local Pleasanton Brick-Oven Bakery (http://www.pleasantbakery.com/) My heart cried out with joy! This is just what I needed to increase my odds of success at home. I casually mentioned the class to one of my children, then emailed the link to her (subtle hint…Christmas for Momma!) Knowing she would benefit from her investment, Bridget took the bait.

The class was held on January 17; it was everything I had hoped for and more! Our teachers Hannah and Nic had “staged” the dough in different phases of the baking process in order to allow us to move through each step within the three hour time frame. My head reeling a bit from the math, I was able to take in most of the information- thankfully we were given handouts to refer to at home. Each student left the class with a loaf fresh from the oven, a shaped loaf ready to bake, as well as fermented dough ready to shape and bake at a later time. We were also gifted with a few ounces of the Pleasanton starter which has been used for almost two decades. On my way out the door, Hannah delightfully dropped additional samples in my bag; my daughters were gleeful when I walked through the door that snowy winter night!

The at-home baking of the shaped loaf was a bit of an adventure. My thought was that the smell of fresh baked bread first thing in the morning would be a wonderful gift for my family. Up at 6am Wednesday, I turned on the oven to preheat. Instructions read to preheat at 500 degrees for 1 hour. At 6:30 the first smoke alarm went off, and as if like dominoes, the second and third alarms followed closely. So much for a gift, right? Eighteen year olds just don't like getting up any earlier than they need to. Nonetheless, I persevered; after all the alarm batteries were dislodged, I sprinkled flour on the bottom of the Dutch oven I planned to bake in and set about coaxing the dough out of the basket. It took some effort, one end of the dough hanging on which ended in quite an elongated loaf once the dough was released. After plopping the loaf into the Dutch oven, I tried to reshape it a bit, then went about slashing with a kitchen knife. Yup. Couldn't find the utility knife. And I won't do that again. The loaf ended up quite flat- the cuts not even close to deep enough. But you know what? No matter what the bread looked like, the taste was fabulous!

The fermented in-a-bag dough was transformed into a fabulous pizza crust. Being a "no sauce" kind of pizza gal, I used sliced tomatoes, fresh spinach and basil as well as caramelized onions with a hint of balsamic vinegar to create my masterpiece. Two handfuls of mozzarella kept the veggies from sliding off the crust. YUM.

Last night I started to feed the mother, which I kept in the fridge. I also located the utility knife and found extra blades. Baking will commence after my 4pm yoga class. We'll see how if goes. Luckily there's always tomorrow if today's efforts are in need of a "do over".

New Year 2012

It’s a new year, a new beginning, full of possibilities…so, what if we consider that every day, albeit every moment is a new beginning? A bit of radical thinking, I know.

Somehow, the idea of setting up New Year’s Resolutions strikes me as a bit negative. We spend time examining ourselves, looking at what we may see as “faults” or even “areas for growth”, and then we set out to improve ourselves over the course of the next 365 days. What if, this year, we look at ourselves as whole and complete humans?

Now, this does not mean that there isn’t room for improvement. Essentially the whole idea of being human speaks of flaws. This does not make us bad people, nor inherently evil. (Okay, there is room for controversy in that statement…please keep reading before you react). However if we continue to act from a place of deficiency, when are we ever good enough?

Yup, I’m changing it up a bit this year. No New Year’s Resolutions for me; no goals, no lists, no “must haves” or “must dos”.  Instead 2012 will have a theme- “Go BIG!”  It’s a simple, yet effective statement that can be applied to every area of my life EVERY DAY; in essence, the message to me is Live Life to its Fullest and Don’t Hold Back.

Admittedly, I’m a recovering Type-A person who makes lists, and lists of lists. When I’m completely honest with myself, I can admit that this is a way to attempt to control my life and my environment; I also tend to use this technique as a way to beat myself for non-compliance. I’ve decided that there’s no longer a need for any of that. Things will get done, with or without a list. “Going BIG” doesn’t allow for procrastination; things get done in the moment. Tasks and people get my full attention- Life is Lived in the Moment.

As I type this, the other side of my brain is hedging….”but, but, but…” It is what it is. Faith. Hope. Trust. In God. In me. Knowing that I’ve been given everything I need to live life right now today. And I’ve been given a whole lot more- to share. So it’s time to get on with that sharing piece. No holding back. “Go BIG!”

When Two World's Collide

It’s true; I haven’t always been the fountain of good health. As a matter of fact, for as long as I can remember, I’ve loved to bake. As a pre-teen, one of my first successes in the dessert arena was butterscotch pie, a wonderful concoction of butterscotch pudding and classic pie dough. Cakes and cookies and pies fed my sugar addiction. Thankfully, I’ve recently been able to “healthify” some of my all time favorite baked goods. Though possible, it seems somewhat sacrilege to do so with the following signature formula.  

My eldest daughter was fourteen or fifteen when I discovered a most wonderful cookie recipe. Found on the back of a package of Imperial Margarine, “Regal Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies” quickly became a family favorite. The year was approximately 2003. Erin was a freshman in high school; her friends were a bevy of boy craziness. I write this confidently remembering the batches of cookies that were made to soothe the boyfriend break-ups. After a time of offering such solace, the need arose to put certain limits on my generosity: Only one batch per boy and only one batch every other month. It seemed as though perhaps these young women were discarding relationships in order to receive the goodies!

While I’m not sure how it happened, this also became the cookie of choice to honor the birthday of the teenager's friends. To this day, if one notes his or her birthday on my kitchen calendar, I will make a batch of what are now known as “Momma Bear Cookies”.

This particular cookie has also become "famous" amongst the choristers at TC West High School. My last choir member is a senior this year, and as I move into what will be the last season as a volunteer for the school musical, I feel it very important to pass along the recipe to those up and coming- parents and choir members alike.

Ingredients

1 cup (2 sticks) butter

1 cup packed dark brown sugar

1 cup sugar

2 large eggs

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 ½ cups flour

1 tsp. baking soda

½ teaspoon salt

3 cups uncooked oatmeal (I prefer old fashioned, but quick oats work just fine)

12 oz. chocolate chips

Directions: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. In a large bowl, beat butter until light. Add sugars; beat until fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla, beat well. Add flour, baking soda and salt; mix well. Stir in oatmeal and chocolate chips until thoroughly combined. Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls onto a cookie sheet (I like to line mine with parchment paper for easy clean up). Bake 10-12 minutes or until cookies are just set. Do not overbake. Makes about 5 dozen.

Marvelous Minestrone

One of the wonderful perks of being involved with “The Biggest Winner” program in the Fall of 2010 was that we participants received weekly recipes via email. These were fabulous clean-eating recipes that, for the most part, required just rudimentary knowledge of the kitchen. Lifted from Clean Eating magazine, this recipe continues to be one of my favorites. Incredibly versatile, I’ve used this soup pot as the perfect landing place for those less than savory veggies left in the produce drawer of the fridge. It’s also through this formula that I learned about that wonderful, protein-packed pseudo-grain, quinoa. I put this soup together just about every other week. Made on either the stove top, or in the slow cooker, it sits well in the fridge and is the perfect after yoga meal.

For the first few months, I used canned tomatoes and cannelloni beans when making this soup. Recently, however, I’ve learned to take the time to start with fresh veggies and dry beans- the result, both taste and health wise, is well worth the effort.

[See a report on recent research at:  http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/11/22/bpa-lurks-in-canned-soups-and-drinks]

Ingredients

2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

2 medium carrots, diced (approx 1 cup)

1 cup fennel

6 cups low sodium chicken broth (or vegetable broth if making a vegetarian option)

1 cup red onion diced

2 large cloves garlic, finely chopped

2 bay leaves

2 tsp fresh thyme leaves, chopped

¼ tsp fennel seeds, crushed

1 ½ cups cooked cannelloni beans (white kidney beans), rinsed and drained

2 cups fresh plum tomatoes, peeled, seeded and diced

1/3 cup uncooked quinoa

kosher salt and ground black pepper to taste

1 cup fresh spinach, cut chiffonade

tbsp basil, thinly sliced

2 oz. Parmigianino Reggiano, finely grated (about ½ cup), optional

Directions

§         In a large heavy bottomed pot, heat oil over medium heat.

§         Add carrots, fennel, onion, garlic, bay leaves, thyme and fennel seeds, and cook, stirring often, until vegetables are tender, about 8 minutes.

(If using a slow cooker, a large skillet can be used for these first two steps. Vegetables should be transferred to the cooker when tender.)

§         Add 6 cups low sodium chicken (or vegetable) broth, beans, tomatoes and quinoa.

§         Heat to boiling then reduce heat to low and simmer until quinoa is tender, about 20 minutes.

§         Remove bay leaves and season with salt and pepper.

Oh Green Soup, how I love thee!

I was first introduced to the concept of green soup by my nutritional counselor. Now, I know how that sounds- kind of “hoity, toity”- but honestly, nutritional counseling has been one of the best investments in me that I’ve ever made. I tend toward “know-it-all-ness” and generally need a good kick in the pants to come back to reality. Dr. Julie has a rather gentle, yet direct foot.

About 80 days into a 60 day yoga challenge, I walked into Dr. Julie’s office with complaints of feeling lethargic and having a tough time getting through yoga class. (You may note that I didn’t say work day; you need to know that yoga takes priority over almost everything else. It’s true. I’m an addict) I was completely baffled by the way my body was acting; Dr. Julie however would have rolled her eyes at me if she had allowed herself. “What are you eating, Becky?” -she started with the questions. “And you’ve done one Bikram yoga class per day for approximately 2 ½ months?”; “What makes you think that you’re fueling your body well?” (Ouch, that one hurt). “I want you to go to the grocery store and pick up every green vegetable you find. Then go home and throw them all into a soup pot together. You are severely low in minerals and need to get your body back up to speed pronto.” (No, these weren’t her actual words, but this is the way I heard them).

I’m no dummy, so I did as I was told. Not only did I create the most fantastic tasting soup, I felt the effects immediately. What a panacea!

Fast forward about six months. I was reading through the October 2011 issue of Eating Well magazine. There on page 78 is an article entitled, “The Soup for Life” by Anna Thomas. The article contains five wonderful green soup recipes; the one you’ll find below is for Basic Green Soup.

The concept of green soup is very simple- use any and as many green vegetables as you like. Puree it if you want a creamy soup (I always do). I like to use rice or potatoes to thicken.

Ingredients

2 tbs olive oil

2 large yellow onions chopped

1 tsp salt divided

2 tbs plus 3 cups water

1 yam (smallish)

1 bunch kale

approx 14 cups spinach

4 cups vegetable broth

big pinch cayenne pepper

lemon juice to taste

1. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over high heat. Add onions and 1/4 tsp salt; cook, stirring frequently until onions start turning brown (about 5 min). Reduce heat and add 2 tbs water. Cook, stirring occasionally (cover between stirs) until onions are reduced and have a deep caramel color- 25-30 minutes.
2. Meanwhile, combine 3 cups water and ¾ tsp salt in a soup pot; add the diced yam. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to simmer and cook for 15 minutes. Trim the white ribs out of the kale; coarsely chop kale and spinach.
3. When yam is soft, add the kale. Cook for 10 minutes. When the onions are caramelized, stir them into the soup pot with spinach, broth and cayenne. Return to simmer, cover and cook until spinach is tender but still bright green- about 5 minutes more.
4. Puree the soup in the pot with an immersion blender until smooth or in a regular blender in batches (return to pot). Stir in 1 tbs lemon. Taste and add more if desired.

Why Clean Eating?

In September 2010, my daughter Bridget came to me and asked if I’d join her in an 8 week program our chiropractor’s had designed- “The Biggest Winner”. Now, I’m no dummy and I know that anytime my 16 year old asks me to do something with her, I say yes (as long as the request is within reason, of course). There was a financial commitment, and Brig was willing to pay her way, so we signed up for what was billed to be a “jump-start” to healthier living.

Now, me being me, I signed up to “support” Bridget; I knew I had a handle on this healthy lifestyle. After all, I had my 5-6 day per week Bikram yoga practice, I had the food pyramid memorized, was careful to eat 5-7 servings of fruit and vegetables per day and only ate sweets every once in a while, well, unless I was baking cookies or there was a “need” to drive to Moomers. In my mind, I had this thing licked. I chose to ignore the fact that I had been on a plateau with my weight for over a year. Logic dictates that eating healthfully on a regular basis along with regular exercise would equal weight loss, right? Apparently I wasn’t doing as great a job as I thought. Reality can be painful sometimes.  

Clean eating can be described as eating food as close to it’s original form as possible: if it’s from a plant, eat it; if it’s made in a plant, don’t. I began to rid my diet of almost all refined products- especially prepackaged and canned, and started to read labels rejecting anything with more than 3-6 ingredients. By limiting the chemicals we ingest with our food, we naturally fuel our bodies at a higher level. Personally, I’ve found that I have more energy, my skin is clearer and food actually tastes different- BETTER. And I drink lots of water. And then a lot more. My body has thanked me by maintaining a higher level of functioning.

As we started the Biggest Winner program, I quickly saw that I was going to have to change my life a bit. I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to fit everything in on a daily basis- work, working out, cooking, sleeping- there just weren’t enough hours in the day. Though one of joys of the Biggest Winner was that we were given seven healthy dinner recipes every week complete with a shopping list, it was that precious time resource that I saw lacking.

Within a couple of weeks of starting the Biggest Winner, I found that to be successful I would have to take the time to cook where I had it- on the weekend. Over the past year, I’ve gotten into a groove of planning what I will cook on Friday afternoon, and adjust my shopping list to suit. Early Saturday morning, I’m up and shopping. By noon, I’ve got my plan of attack and have prepped my first dish. Not so oddly, I’ve found that I ADORE time in my kitchen making healthy meals. [It’s important to note here that the food pyramid has been redesigned in my mind to include vegetables at the bottom, then protein, fruit next & whole grains near the top.]

I’ve run through the Biggest Winner recipes and return to them often. I’ve also begun to “healthify” other recipes that I find online. As my taste buds changed I found that I didn’t like the bread that I could buy, so I started baking my own; same with granola. I’m so excited to cook that I share my joy via social networking- Facebook. Not long ago a few friends asked if they could cook with me. What a gift that request has been! While I’m no expert, I do know how I’ve been able to make this change in my life and am blessed to be able to share the experience with others.

Having become a bit of a food tyrant, I continue to educate myself. To start, I highly recommend any book by Michael Pollan, the movies “Food Inc.” and “Forks Over Knives”. Personal responsibility dictates that the more I know, the more responsible I become for my own health. My greatest hope is that more people will begin to make the necessary changes in favor of health. Our country has some staggering statistics in regard to obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and several other crises that could be averted through lifestyle changes. It’s really very simple, however not easy. Change very rarely is. Bottom line- We’re only given one body; our job is to be good stewards of this gift.

Why Bikram Yoga?

This past Saturday night, I watched the bi-annual Bikram Yoga Teacher Training Graduation. It was live-streamed, so I was able to watch Bikram as he spoke, sending the freshly educated on their way. Though The Man is thoroughly engaging, one sentence continues to stick out: “The yoga will make you love yourself.” In a nutshell, this is why I practice.

For close to 49 years I’ve been told by therapists, best friends, more than one lover, and probably a kid or two that I need to learn to love myself. Easier said than done; the funny thing about me is that I’m just not able to turn that love on. To me, love is an action word, a verb, not a noun. That being said, in order to love myself, I must act the part. This is where Bikram yoga comes in. After practicing for over five years, I’m still amazed at the affect the yoga has on me- physical, emotionally, mentally- it clears me on all levels. It’s this yoga “magic” that keeps me coming back. Bikram has changed my life.

It certainly helps that I’ve got an addictive personality; I’ve come to adore and rely on the almost daily infusion of endorphins into my system. But that’s just a part of the physical/chemical reaction. In the 5+ years as a devotee, I’ve dropped approximately 40 pounds (of that total, ten were gained back, lost again, gained back…). My body has changed dramatically, from a size 18/20 to a 12. I’ve given up anti-depressants and that old knee injury? Well, it’s still stiff from time to time, but the pain is gone and range of motion has drastically improved. But this is just the physical- the measureable stuff. More important to me is how my internal landscape has changed.

I went to my first Bikram class in July of 2006. I know what you’re thinking- “You, Becky, made a conscious decision to walk into a room where the temperature is 105 degrees and the humidity is set to 50% in the middle of the summer?” Yes, yes I did. My sister had begun practicing earlier that spring and had been singing the praises of her hot room experience for months. But that wasn’t enough for me. Barb had practiced yoga for years and to this hard-core athlete, yoga had a “whimpy” status in my brain. Seriously, I thought, who does yoga when trying to get a good workout? You know my type- the runner, weight lifter, “varsity letter in three sports”- little did I know that I’m just the type of person who needs yoga.  

A co-worker finally helped focus my attention on Bikram; she offered me a free pass! That’s my price. I checked out the class schedule and found a 6:30am class that would fit into my day; this wasn’t a huge stretch as I was normally up, out the door and hitting the pavement on my morning run by 5:30am. As instructed, I showed up a bit early for class, filled out some paperwork, got a brief overview- “the goal of your first class is to stay in the room”- then walked into the hot room. It had been suggested that I find a place in the back row, but since I was the first student in the room, I wasn’t sure which was front. I took my chances, rolled out my mat, placed my towel on top of it then sat down to wait.  Other students slowly began to trickle in- male, female, all shapes and sizes. Me being me, I began to compare myself to them physically; a bit of fear set it. There in the room with huge mirrors in front of me I was faced with- ME; all of me. I didn’t like what I saw. Then the lights came up, the instructor walked in and she welcomed us to class. And that is just about all I remember from my first Bikram yoga class. Oh, except for the part where we got to lie down and rest between the standing postures and floor series. I seriously thought we were done at that point and was quite disappointed when the instructor announced that we were now done with the warm-up. WTH?

What was it that compelled me to go back to a second class? Seriously, I think it was divine intervention. Never in my life had I done anything so physically challenging; it was even tougher than giving birth- to the twins! I maintained a 3 day-per-week routine through August and September. In October of 2006 I was relieved of my employment (I had never been fired before). Shortly thereafter I slipped and fell during an early morning run. I remember lying on the ground, holding my knee with tears streaming down my face and feeling as though I was loosing a grip on my life. The constants were slipping through my fingers. With no health insurance, I chose to go to Bikram instead of the doctor. The Bikram dialogue told me that the yoga could fix anything; I still believe that today. There are so many similarities between my yoga practice and my drug & alcohol recovery; first and foremost, like AA, with Bikram I just kept going back. It was the one thing I could rely on, the one thing that wouldn’t change.

In January of 2007, after just six months of regular practice, I dedicated myself to a 60-day challenge. 60 classes in 60 days. Still unemployed, this wasn’t a huge time commitment for me; but it was an emotional challenge. After being unemployed for three months, I was beginning to lose faith in myself. Money was tight, my faith was weak and the bills were piling up. But I got to a yoga class everyday. That discipline helped me to tap my inner resources of perseverance, persistence, determination and mostly, hope.

I’ve completed two more 60-day challenges since then, one the summer of 2008, and the third in January of 2011. Each time I learn more about myself, what I’m made of and what I’m capable of. I trust myself more. In March 2011 I set the goal to attend Bikram Teacher Training in the fall of 2012. This is pivotal timing for me; my youngest children will graduate from high school in June, my 50^th birthday is in August. What better gift to myself than to kick my yoga practice up a notch? Clearly there are not enough older, shapely female yoga teachers out there. More importantly, none are me- yet.

I’m motivated now to take even better care of myself physically, paying more attention to what goes into my body as fuel. My enthusiasm for clean eating has spilled onto my Facebook page to the extent that my friends have asked to come and cook with me. And this, THIS is what it’s all about; this is why we’re put in community together- to share our gifts and strengths to support one another. Because my friends, we’re all only as strong as our weakest link. This is love in action.