The Happiness Advantage

If you haven’t seen Shawn Achor’s TED talk, you really ought to take 15 minutes and check it out. This is especially true if it’s Monday morning and you’ve just begun to dread the work week ahead. To sum things up, Shawn purports that we’ve been thinking about success backward. We in the Western World tend to think that if we are successful, then we will be happy. Shawn’s premise, full of supporting researching, is that if we are happy, then we will be successful.

http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html

I chose to do this just a few weeks ago. And yes, it happened to be a Monday morning. What’s happened to me has been explosive. I began to do some research and found that Shawn Achor has done a great deal of legitimate work with CEOs and executives around the world. His research was done as a proctor and lecturer at Harvard. Most importantly to me, his approach makes the changes a personal responsibility.

Without a second glance, I quickly ordered Achor’s first book, The Happiness Advantage. If utilized, this set of principals can “easily” help change the profitability of company I work for. My theory- due to recent experience- is that happy employees are more engaged and productive (When researching, I quickly found that I wasn’t the first to think this. As a matter of fact, Shawn wasn’t even the first. But he wrote a book.) Although there’s an element of “do-ability” that needs to be custom fit for the workplace I’m involved in, this is possible.

The Happiness Advantage, by Shawn Achor

Published by Random House, 2010

I.                    Part 1:Positive Psychology at Work

a.       Introduction- If success drives happiness, then every employee who has received a raise or bonus ought to be happy. However, we find that this level of happiness is short-lived. Research in positive psychology and neuroscience shows us that happiness actually drives success; cultivating positive brains fuels this competitive edge that Shawn calls The Happiness Advantage. 

b.      Discovering the Happiness Advantage

c.       The Happiness Advantage at Work

d.      Change is Possible

II.                 Part 2: Seven Principles

a.       Principle #1: The Happiness Advantage- Positive brains have a biological advantage over neutral or negative brains; we can retrain our brains positively to increase productivity and performance.

b.      Principle #2: The Fulcrum and The Lever- We can adjust our mindset in a way that gives us the power to be more fulfilled and successful.

c.       Principle #3: The Tetris Effect- We can retrain our brains to focus on patterns of possibility rather than stress and negativity

d.      Principle #4: Falling Up- In times of stress and crisis, our brains map different paths to cope. Learning to choose a path that leads us not only up and out but teaches us to be happier as a result is possible.

e.       Principle #5: The Zorro Circle- When overwhelmed, we become hijacked by emotion. To regain control, learn to focus on small, manageable goals slowly expanding the circle.

f.        Principle #6: The 20-Second Rule- Creating new habits can be challenging. By taking small, incremental steps we can replace bad habits with good.

g.       Principle #7: Social Investment- One of the greatest predictors of success and achievement is our social support network.

III.               Part 3: The Ripple Effect

Spreading The Happiness Advantage at work, at home and beyond- Although the only person we can change is ourselves, making positive changes affects everyone around us.

One of the beautiful things about the seven principals is that they are not incremental; they need not be followed in order. Nor do all seven need to be in place to impact change. It’s been my experience, both personal and in behavior that I’ve observed that even that smallest, positive thought can trigger another positive thought, and so on. Is this one way to impact change in the world? Maybe. 

Moving Through Loneliness To Get To Alone

Weekends tend to be the roughest. While I love my time on my own- time to meditate, to reflect, to create, to just be- I’ve found that I miss a certain human interaction… hugs in particular. There’s a formula out there that ascertains the need for four hugs a day to survive, 8 hugs to thrive and 10 or more to….[I’m not sure]. The bottom line is that I’m malnourished in the hug department. Don’t get me wrong, I do what I can, short of stopping random strangers at the grocery store. I hug my yoga friends, and sometimes my co-workers (though they’re getting a bit skeptical). I’ve made some church acquaintances that accept my physicality. But what’s one to do when she has a lack of huggable folks in her midst? 

I recently spent four glorious days with all four of my offspring. It was a hug-fest! I filled up that nearly empty hug well, yet have found an interesting phenomenon~ I still want more!  Perhaps the word “want” is a part of the challenge. Determining the difference between “wants” and “needs” takes me back to the kindergarten curriculum of Junior Achievement that I taught a few years ago. We’ll probably all agree that while we may want new things, ie. “toys”, we don’t necessarily need them. Yet we do need basics such as food, shelter, clothing. And yes, affection. 

But does that affection need to come from others? Consider the Dali Lama or the Pope- do they walk around offering up hugs? I don’t think so, unless this is done outside of the public eye. We see hand shaking, shoulder squeezing, but I can’t recall seeing either of these relics busting out with a tight chest-to-chest grip. Perhaps that necessary affection might partially come from within. 

It seems that this would be a good thing to learn; not so oddly, we’ve heard it time and time again- love thyself. Over the past few months on my own here in Haslett, I’ve been learning how to be my own best friend. Being a good friend involves the little things- exercising and feeding myself well, while allowing the occasional treat; allowing myself space when necessary, but taking myself out into public when I need some socialization. At least once each weekend I allow myself the choice of a freeform day- there may be things to accomplish, but the order is not important. Perhaps one of the toughest parts about being my own best friend is being honest with me. I count on my journal for that- that’s my safe place to put down hopes, dreams, hurts and accomplishments; large and small. I bounce some of those private pieces off of other best friends- those whose feedback I trust and may even accept. Admitting when a part of my life isn’t working isn’t easy, but always necessary to moving forward. This is tough self-love.

Interestingly, I looked around the yoga studio the other morning before class and had the most freeing revelation. There was a myriad of folks practicing- young, old, male, female, body types of all sizes. I felt no need to compare, in fact I was in awe of the beauty of each form. Then I looked in the mirror and gave thanks to myself for taking me to yoga and to my body for the amazing things that it’s done and continues to do. Such an amazing tool I’ve been given to walk through this life; I gladly take care of this gift the best that I can. 

When these thoughts come to me, I know I’m getting somewhere in the self-love department. Let’s call them “hugs from within”.

Meeting Me Where I Am

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve published a blog post~ February 24 was the last. As I consider life over these past months, I’m left with one word- exhaustion. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually- I’m just plain tired. And for the first time in the history of me, I’m okay with that.

Let me back up a bit so ya’ll can catch up. In March 2013, my father was diagnosed with throat cancer. Just prior to the diagnosis, my sisters and I had undertaken a very diligent, organized and intentional care-taking regimen involving both of our parents. Much- if not all- of the week to week appointments were the arena my older sister chose; my younger sister tended to many day to day details; she’s an extraordinary caseworker. Given limited resources, I made the three hour drive one weekend a month loaded down with healthy meals from my freezer stock. My reasoning was that at least I could control what was available for them to eat. After the diagnosis and subsequent surgery (which found the tumor inoperable as it had wound it’s way around the windpipe), appointments with doctors, for chemo and radiation- they all kicked into high gear. Beth, Barb and I knew we couldn’t do it all on our own, so we summoned a team. For a couple of months I worked and slept with my phone at my side- the three of us were tethered by text and email messages with constant updates to each other.

In the middle of this darkness, a ray of light also entered my life- I fell in love. While I suppose that timing is never “perfect” for meeting a partner, this was truly an unlikely time. Despite the amount of strength I know I possess, the gratitude I’ve felt for the arrival of another rock to stand beside me is immense. His home became a refuge where I could go to attempt relaxation; weekends, when not on the road, I could be found at Ronnie’s Spa. When the time came, he was a strong shoulder to lean on as my son honored his grandfather by singing “Amazing Grace” at the memorial service.

If you know my father, you know that life on anyone’s terms other than his own just won’t do. Chemo and radiation treatments didn’t last long- he didn’t like being “zapped” and feeling like a limp noodle. Though never given a prognosis, we saw a quick deterioration; at times we (Beth) was able to rally his spirits- usually involving a glass of chablis- but the bursts were short lived. The troops gathered to celebrate Dad’s birthday on June 2; then two weeks later, on Father’s Day, he passed.

While putting together this post, I found the following dated June 11, a week before his death: “I sat down last night to write a blog post. Okay honestly, I sat down last night to write an obituary, but wanted to procrastinate by writing a blog post. In the end I chose to do my duty as the “daughter who writes” and put together a first draft for my father to edit. You see, my father is dying of lung cancer. His life is pretty touch and go these days, but yesterday was one with much clarity and lucidity. In a pretty non-stop fashion I received text messages from my younger sister who sat by his side. I imagined the smiles and laughter in the living room where the two of them were sitting approximately 200 miles south. One message read something like, “All grand kids mentioned in obit. US Army 1954- 1956. Grad WMU 1957. Lawson YMCA, First National Bank then started in real estate in 1965.” What a surreal experience to transcribe these life events. When I received the text that read “Picture should be the one of him in red plaid sweater”, I literally laughed out loud. Of course my father knows just what he wants; he always has. Like Carlo Rossi by the jug. And chocolate. I am truly my father’s daughter.”

Driving north on Father’s Day, I experienced my first anxiety attack- while driving 70 mph+ on 131. I made it about ⅔ of the way to Traverse City before I had to pull over. Grateful to get off the highway safely and into the nearest gas station, I called My Rock, my sister and my daughter. Humility isn't something I do well; with no other choice I told them that I needed help. I cried and napped on and off for two hours as I waited for them to arrive. And they did.

I’m pretty certain that there is no “normal” way to grieve; each individual brings their own set of stuff to that table. Me being me, decided to overload the table. In July I decided to take a job transfer to the Lansing area- the timeline for working full-time in the new office was the end of August. I set about doing the stuff necessary- both personally and professionally- to prep for the move; the big question was “What about the house?” Bottom-line- I still own it. After finding an apartment in the Lansing area, I spent the months of August and September driving between the two offices weekly. Interestingly, the driving stuff was complicated by vertigo- a lovely residual effect of the increased anxiety. I had to ask for help again- The Rock was there, as was my boss. Together we all worked it out. Again, with the humility and acceptance. And added learning that I don’t always have to have all the answers.

So here we are, the first week of October. I’m sitting at the kitchen counter-top in my little one-bedroom 500 square foot apartment. Alone, well, except for the cat (that’s another story). The vertigo, though not all gone, has drastically diminished so I’m able to drive safely. From time to time I find myself crying; why doesn’t really matter. I just do it. Because to not to would mean imploding. And I’m writing again- that’s always good.

I'm often asked by folks that I meet here why I’d want to leave “paradise”. My answer? Because I could. For the first time in over 25 years I was able to make a decision where I wasn't compelled to consider what was best for four other people- my offspring. As a matter of fact, they were by-in-large supportive of it being my turn for an adventure. You know what’s really funny? I find myself doing the same things here in Haslett that I did in Traverse City; I go to work, go to yoga, shop and cook. Same stuff, new people and places. It’s a surreal mix of old/new. As my dear friend and yoga teacher recently reminded me, it’s 99% mental. I think that means that it is what we decide it will be. And I’ve decided that it’s time for some rest, along with another box of tissues.

Letting Go With Love

I need to be completely honest here: I find it much easier to let go with hate, especially when that which is being let go is a relationship with another human, personal or otherwise. Competitive to the core, I’m able to come up with a list ½ mile long of why I am the better person, why I deserve more or better or faster or, or, or…Making things so black and white allows me to come out on top, with the halo. But you know what else I end up with? Sometimes guilt, sometimes shame and sometimes I’ve given up any opportunity to ever approach that person again with my pride intact; all the bridges have been burned. Then what am I left with? Yup. I’m left alone with me, and a new pile of manure to attend to. Hmmm, I trade one pile for another.

Sooooo…., what if I attempt this spiritually enlightened idea of letting go with love? No setting up teams, no losing- everyone wins. The first element that needs to change is my perception that pain, loss, discomfort and sadness are bad emotions to be avoided at all costs. Now, bear in mind that in order to continue to change this perception, I must also give up all of the coping mechanisms that I’ve adapted over the years to “deal” with these feelings. I gave up the drugs and alcohol long ago and continue to give up “eating” these emotions. Within the last year, my body has shut down a bit so that I am not always able to workout to counteract this stuff. I’ve been left with feeling. Ugh. How interesting is it that when left alone to feel, I’ve decided to turn back to a competitive scenario- the human psyche is interesting indeed.  

I wonder if this would be easier if I didn’t use the extremes of “love” and “hate”? Maybe I need a different phrase. Maybe, just maybe the concept is as simple as trusting; trusting myself that I’m making the right decision, and that I’m hearing positive direction from the Universe [Yes, this hole just keeps getting deeper.]

Let’s simplify this concept and apply it to the kitchen. Today I threw caution to the wind and made soup created completely without a recipe. My general modus operandi is to check through the recent saved recipes to see if one catches my attention. Today I decided to challenge myself and not go to the store for ingredients; instead I had to use what I had on hand. The resulting aroma is now wafting through the house- a wonderfully flavorful vegetable soup with chicken and quinoa. I started by heating some olive oil, adding a couple cloves of garlic minced and a handful of chopped red onion. This is one of the best smells ever! (My friend West has referred to the aroma of sizzling garlic and onion as Chanel #9) Next I went to the produce drawers where I found carrots, parsnips, zucchini, yellow squash and fennel. I eyed a couple of tomatoes on the counter; thinking, as grandma always said, that the color would be a nice addition. I decided to go with some chopped spinach from the freezer instead. Into the pot along with the veggies went a couple cups of chicken left from yesterday’s rotisserie, some rosemary, thyme, sea salt and pepper. In the end when the pot was bubbling nicely, a cup of quinoa was added, the flame was turned to low and the top put on the stock pot. Mission accomplished.  

Trust. I knew that I’d be able to put together a pretty good pot-full of yumminess, but this result is gastronomically awesome- much better than anticipated. It’s a big step to compare the act of trusting my cooking instincts to that of trusting my instincts in regard to human relationships- the emotions seem so much more where real when other people are involved. However I will allow myself this cooking success, knowing that I’ve arrived here by building upon each experience with the soup pot- taking a risk each time. And ultimately isn’t that what we do when we allow people into our lives? We trust in the risk and trust in the lesson. Oh yeah, there’s always one of those.

Peace, Love and Vegetables

Driving down the road the other day, I noticed a bumper sticker on the car ahead of me. It was one of the symbolic types, no words, just images. I was focusing so hard that I almost forgot to stop with the rest of the traffic at a red light. After slamming on the brakes, I was able take a good look. The peace sign was easily recognized; as was the heart- I presume the statement intended was “love”. But the last symbol befuddled me; I just couldn’t figure it out. It looked like a head of broccoli. Seriously? Now, I’m a broccoli lover from way back, but I’m not sure that my adoration is sufficient to capture on a bumper sticker. So I started thinking- what would make sense in this instance? Well, “vegetables” of course.

“Peace, Love and Vegetables”, now that’s a statement I can stand solidly behind. I’ve stated before that the deeper I delve into my yoga practice, the more healthfully I want to eat. Now that we’re past the heavy holiday season, I’ve made a devoted effort to get back to clean eating- nothing processed, nothing “white”. For the past two weeks I’ve gone so far as to try to keep intake to naturally micronutrient rich foods (yeah, cool term that I learned by watching the documentary “Sick, Fat and Almost Dead” and reading a little by nutritionist, Joel Fuhrman). Micronutrients=vitamins & minerals. The foods dominating this category are green, leafy vegetables; broccoli, radishes and cabbage are next; then come fruits, nuts and seeds, beans and legumes, and whole grains near the end. Meat and dairy are at the bottom of the scale. More information, along with a cool chart of these so-called “Superfoods” can be found at www.eatrightamerica.com/erni-superfoods.

To help me on my journey to consume more phytochemicals (yeah, hit the link above), I recently purchased a juicer. Now, you need to know that I still eat veggies in their whole form; this fiber is important to flush the colon and keep things running smoothly. The juicer allows me to take in even more of this ultimate, natural medicine in the form of colorful veggies. This naturally occurring, readily available food provides the vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals necessary to normalize and boost the immune system and to enable our body’s detox and cellular repair mechanisms that protect us from cancer and other diseases.

If what I eat can keep me healthy, more energetic and more efficient, logic dictates that I ought to steer in that direction when choosing what goes in my mouth.  I can change my thinking so that what I eat is fuel for not only my body, but also for my mind and spirit. Well, there we go.

Mark Epstein, M.D. takes this “food as fuel” theme one step further in a refreshing fusion of East and West entitled “All You Can Eat” found on the Yoga Journal website (www.yogajournal.com). While many ideas are explored, one rings true for me- espousing that perhaps those of us who are addicted to food ought to eat more. The addiction, of course, is born of an unhealthy obsession. Some of us may be reaching for food to pacify an emotional need; if we keep ourselves from reaching, we inevitably will binge. But obsession could be healthy. Like a fixation with yoga, a focus on food could eventually lead to a sense of peace. Essentially, the idea is to eat more often, not necessarily a larger quantity. If a slow and steady stream is maintained, the “need” or desire or compulsion to overindulge may be dissuaded. To be obsessed with food need not be a shameful act; actually it may be preferred as we learn to listen to our internal selves, all the while being kind and gentle.

Letting Go~ Again and Still

I’ve been working on another blog post for over three weeks; starting, stopping, editing, rewriting- in essence it’s been kinda tough. And that’s odd for me; generally these posts just flow, or perhaps more appropriately, they are jettisoned from my consciousness. This morning it occurred to me that perhaps I’d been pushing too hard to make the post appear. It was beginning to feel as though I was pregnant and WAY overdue, trying everything I could to get that “baby” to be birthed. Inevitably, like that baby in utero, the post is out of my control. Well, kind of. And so I’ve decided to just let go and move on.

Oddly, “Let Go” has been my mantra for a while. Funny thing about using a mantra, and/or praying, you just may end up getting what you ask for. In my case, it’s been a number of opportunities, situations, and people to let go of. Forgive me if I have a hard time laughing at myself here- admittedly I do like to organize and plan things. And at times those actions may come across as controlling. Maybe that’s because they are. But as I listen more to my heart, and stop engaging in internal battle, the letting go becomes very simple.

Letting go and slowing down seem to go hand in hand. One interesting thing about me is the infernal internal battle. It’s my mind, my brain, that stays busy and that wants my physical body to follow suit. It tells me to “do this”, or “do that”; “stop that, and go back to this”. At times I feel as though there’s a little ADHD going on here. But it’s just a mind-trip- the desire of my mind to keep me moving so I don’t slow down and feel, or listen. You see, my mind has the ability to completely destroy me. Slowing down, and at times dismissing a life-long pattern is tough. However I’ve found it necessary. Just like my body that has screamed at me to pay attention, my soul is now longing for equal time. Conquer the mind and the body will flow.

This is an ongoing challenge. I’ve noticed lately in yin yoga classes that the teacher speaks of easing into a posture and letting go, or making space. I’ve heard encouragement at times to not fill that space so quickly- to leave it open for possibility. My mind so wants to complete the puzzle, to add the missing piece. The challenge remains to keep open and allow the “filler” to come. This is a tough post to write, because the intricacies are incredibly intertwined. Most often I can cut to the chase and see the simplicity; but not so here. When I choose the filler, the outcome may not be positive. Yet when I allow opportunity, through action/exploration, that filler is more likely to speak to my soul.

I was once told that only the mind is real; that the emotions are not. While there may be some truth in this, I propose that the ultimate reality is the soul. This is the seat of all knowledge and truth. The mind, or ego, simply thinks it has all the answers. How do we discern between the ideas of the mind and the truth of the soul? We simply need time to listen, to know. Then we are led. Oddly the timeline that unfolds is never of our making.

Remember that movie “Field of Dreams”? The famous line is “If we build it, they will come.” There’s lots of personal truth in that statement. For me it means to build the yoga practice, build the stamina and discipline to listen- work beyond the asanas. And the truth will come. Letting go of the mind is the key.

The Book...Take One

In September, I self-published my first recipe compilation. I'm not quite sure why I haven't shared the publication here. Sheer terror perhaps? More than likely it just didn't occur to me until now to make the announcement. I've got a middle-aged brain after all.

The compilation contains many favorites that I've found, have been given and have literally run in to. Some of the recipes I've "cleaned up" a bit, and others have been left as is. Cooking is a very creative endeavor for me; that freedom keeps it fun and fresh. I subscribe to a few different foodie blogs, and have recipes from sites such as www.realsimple.com  and www.graciouspantry.com delivered directly to my inbox. It's incredibly handy to have recipes arrive that way. Though from time to time I get cravings just reading my email. And there are always more recipes to try than I have time for. This, I think, is a good problem to have.

Below you'll find an excerpt from "Regarding Rebecca"- a different kind of Foreword.

September 2012

This is much easier to write if I start with what I am not. I am NOT: a chef- professionally trained or otherwise; a restaurant owner; a food critic or food writer- I'm not a professional foodie at any level. I’m not a nutritionist or a personal trainer; though in my own mind (through delusions of grandeur) I’ve been all of the above. I am a woman who, after years of battling food addiction, exercise addiction, low self-esteem and all the assorted "stuff" that goes along with these issues, finally admitted that she needed some help to get it right.

For close to 50 years, I've attempted to battle this demon on my own through research: the latest and greatest in nutrition and/or exercise never got past me. After my years as a high school athlete, I wore leg warmers with Jane [Fonda], lifted weights with the guys at the gym, and put on the gloves with Billy Blanks [Tae Bo]. I’ve probably logged a million miles of walking and running, at times with both human and canine partners. I know about all of the food pyramid formats, eating five to stay alive, low-carb and the grapefruit diet. Lack of knowledge has never been my problem. The challenge has been my lack of patience. I’ve been a victim of my own thinking- “I want what I want when I want it.” A healthy body, however, relies on a healthier lifestyle for which there’s no quick fix. 
    
The need to work consistently on my personal health was drummed into me beginning in September 2010.  My daughter, Bridget asked me if I'd join her in an eight-week program that our chiropractor’s had designed called "The Biggest Winner". Now, I’m no dummy and I know that anytime my 16 year old asks me to do something with her, I say yes (as long as the request is within reason, of course). So we signed up for what was billed to be a “jump-start” to healthier living.
    
Initially, I signed up to “support” Bridget; I knew I had a handle on living healthfully (sarcasm intended). After all, I had my five to six day per week Bikram yoga practice, I had the food pyramid memorized, was careful to eat five to seven servings of fruit and vegetables per day and only ate sweets every once in awhile...well, unless I was baking cookies or there was a “need” to drive to Moomers. In my mind, I had this thing licked. I chose to ignore the fact that I had been on a plateau with my weight for over a year. Logic dictates that eating healthfully on a regular basis along with regular exercise would equal weight loss, right? 
    
...continued...
    

My sense of personal responsibility dictates that the more I know, the more responsible I become for my own health. I continue to educate myself, and highly recommend any book by Michael Pollan, the movies “Food Inc.” and “Forks Over Knives”. My greatest hope is that more people will begin to make the necessary changes in order to benefit their biggest asset, their health. Our country has some staggering statistics in regard to obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and several other crises that could be averted through lifestyle changes. It’s really very simple, but it's definitely not easy. Change very rarely is. Bottom line: We’re only given one body; our job is to be good stewards of this gift.