Letting Go~ Again and Still

I’ve been working on another blog post for over three weeks; starting, stopping, editing, rewriting- in essence it’s been kinda tough. And that’s odd for me; generally these posts just flow, or perhaps more appropriately, they are jettisoned from my consciousness. This morning it occurred to me that perhaps I’d been pushing too hard to make the post appear. It was beginning to feel as though I was pregnant and WAY overdue, trying everything I could to get that “baby” to be birthed. Inevitably, like that baby in utero, the post is out of my control. Well, kind of. And so I’ve decided to just let go and move on.

Oddly, “Let Go” has been my mantra for a while. Funny thing about using a mantra, and/or praying, you just may end up getting what you ask for. In my case, it’s been a number of opportunities, situations, and people to let go of. Forgive me if I have a hard time laughing at myself here- admittedly I do like to organize and plan things. And at times those actions may come across as controlling. Maybe that’s because they are. But as I listen more to my heart, and stop engaging in internal battle, the letting go becomes very simple.

Letting go and slowing down seem to go hand in hand. One interesting thing about me is the infernal internal battle. It’s my mind, my brain, that stays busy and that wants my physical body to follow suit. It tells me to “do this”, or “do that”; “stop that, and go back to this”. At times I feel as though there’s a little ADHD going on here. But it’s just a mind-trip- the desire of my mind to keep me moving so I don’t slow down and feel, or listen. You see, my mind has the ability to completely destroy me. Slowing down, and at times dismissing a life-long pattern is tough. However I’ve found it necessary. Just like my body that has screamed at me to pay attention, my soul is now longing for equal time. Conquer the mind and the body will flow.

This is an ongoing challenge. I’ve noticed lately in yin yoga classes that the teacher speaks of easing into a posture and letting go, or making space. I’ve heard encouragement at times to not fill that space so quickly- to leave it open for possibility. My mind so wants to complete the puzzle, to add the missing piece. The challenge remains to keep open and allow the “filler” to come. This is a tough post to write, because the intricacies are incredibly intertwined. Most often I can cut to the chase and see the simplicity; but not so here. When I choose the filler, the outcome may not be positive. Yet when I allow opportunity, through action/exploration, that filler is more likely to speak to my soul.

I was once told that only the mind is real; that the emotions are not. While there may be some truth in this, I propose that the ultimate reality is the soul. This is the seat of all knowledge and truth. The mind, or ego, simply thinks it has all the answers. How do we discern between the ideas of the mind and the truth of the soul? We simply need time to listen, to know. Then we are led. Oddly the timeline that unfolds is never of our making.

Remember that movie “Field of Dreams”? The famous line is “If we build it, they will come.” There’s lots of personal truth in that statement. For me it means to build the yoga practice, build the stamina and discipline to listen- work beyond the asanas. And the truth will come. Letting go of the mind is the key.

The Book...Take One

In September, I self-published my first recipe compilation. I'm not quite sure why I haven't shared the publication here. Sheer terror perhaps? More than likely it just didn't occur to me until now to make the announcement. I've got a middle-aged brain after all.

The compilation contains many favorites that I've found, have been given and have literally run in to. Some of the recipes I've "cleaned up" a bit, and others have been left as is. Cooking is a very creative endeavor for me; that freedom keeps it fun and fresh. I subscribe to a few different foodie blogs, and have recipes from sites such as www.realsimple.com  and www.graciouspantry.com delivered directly to my inbox. It's incredibly handy to have recipes arrive that way. Though from time to time I get cravings just reading my email. And there are always more recipes to try than I have time for. This, I think, is a good problem to have.

Below you'll find an excerpt from "Regarding Rebecca"- a different kind of Foreword.

September 2012

This is much easier to write if I start with what I am not. I am NOT: a chef- professionally trained or otherwise; a restaurant owner; a food critic or food writer- I'm not a professional foodie at any level. I’m not a nutritionist or a personal trainer; though in my own mind (through delusions of grandeur) I’ve been all of the above. I am a woman who, after years of battling food addiction, exercise addiction, low self-esteem and all the assorted "stuff" that goes along with these issues, finally admitted that she needed some help to get it right.

For close to 50 years, I've attempted to battle this demon on my own through research: the latest and greatest in nutrition and/or exercise never got past me. After my years as a high school athlete, I wore leg warmers with Jane [Fonda], lifted weights with the guys at the gym, and put on the gloves with Billy Blanks [Tae Bo]. I’ve probably logged a million miles of walking and running, at times with both human and canine partners. I know about all of the food pyramid formats, eating five to stay alive, low-carb and the grapefruit diet. Lack of knowledge has never been my problem. The challenge has been my lack of patience. I’ve been a victim of my own thinking- “I want what I want when I want it.” A healthy body, however, relies on a healthier lifestyle for which there’s no quick fix. 
    
The need to work consistently on my personal health was drummed into me beginning in September 2010.  My daughter, Bridget asked me if I'd join her in an eight-week program that our chiropractor’s had designed called "The Biggest Winner". Now, I’m no dummy and I know that anytime my 16 year old asks me to do something with her, I say yes (as long as the request is within reason, of course). So we signed up for what was billed to be a “jump-start” to healthier living.
    
Initially, I signed up to “support” Bridget; I knew I had a handle on living healthfully (sarcasm intended). After all, I had my five to six day per week Bikram yoga practice, I had the food pyramid memorized, was careful to eat five to seven servings of fruit and vegetables per day and only ate sweets every once in awhile...well, unless I was baking cookies or there was a “need” to drive to Moomers. In my mind, I had this thing licked. I chose to ignore the fact that I had been on a plateau with my weight for over a year. Logic dictates that eating healthfully on a regular basis along with regular exercise would equal weight loss, right? 
    
...continued...
    

My sense of personal responsibility dictates that the more I know, the more responsible I become for my own health. I continue to educate myself, and highly recommend any book by Michael Pollan, the movies “Food Inc.” and “Forks Over Knives”. My greatest hope is that more people will begin to make the necessary changes in order to benefit their biggest asset, their health. Our country has some staggering statistics in regard to obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and several other crises that could be averted through lifestyle changes. It’s really very simple, but it's definitely not easy. Change very rarely is. Bottom line: We’re only given one body; our job is to be good stewards of this gift.