Weekends tend to be the roughest. While I love my time on my own- time to meditate, to reflect, to create, to just be- I’ve found that I miss a certain human interaction… hugs in particular. There’s a formula out there that ascertains the need for four hugs a day to survive, 8 hugs to thrive and 10 or more to….[I’m not sure]. The bottom line is that I’m malnourished in the hug department. Don’t get me wrong, I do what I can, short of stopping random strangers at the grocery store. I hug my yoga friends, and sometimes my co-workers (though they’re getting a bit skeptical). I’ve made some church acquaintances that accept my physicality. But what’s one to do when she has a lack of huggable folks in her midst?
I recently spent four glorious days with all four of my offspring. It was a hug-fest! I filled up that nearly empty hug well, yet have found an interesting phenomenon~ I still want more! Perhaps the word “want” is a part of the challenge. Determining the difference between “wants” and “needs” takes me back to the kindergarten curriculum of Junior Achievement that I taught a few years ago. We’ll probably all agree that while we may want new things, ie. “toys”, we don’t necessarily need them. Yet we do need basics such as food, shelter, clothing. And yes, affection.
But does that affection need to come from others? Consider the Dali Lama or the Pope- do they walk around offering up hugs? I don’t think so, unless this is done outside of the public eye. We see hand shaking, shoulder squeezing, but I can’t recall seeing either of these relics busting out with a tight chest-to-chest grip. Perhaps that necessary affection might partially come from within.
It seems that this would be a good thing to learn; not so oddly, we’ve heard it time and time again- love thyself. Over the past few months on my own here in Haslett, I’ve been learning how to be my own best friend. Being a good friend involves the little things- exercising and feeding myself well, while allowing the occasional treat; allowing myself space when necessary, but taking myself out into public when I need some socialization. At least once each weekend I allow myself the choice of a freeform day- there may be things to accomplish, but the order is not important. Perhaps one of the toughest parts about being my own best friend is being honest with me. I count on my journal for that- that’s my safe place to put down hopes, dreams, hurts and accomplishments; large and small. I bounce some of those private pieces off of other best friends- those whose feedback I trust and may even accept. Admitting when a part of my life isn’t working isn’t easy, but always necessary to moving forward. This is tough self-love.
Interestingly, I looked around the yoga studio the other morning before class and had the most freeing revelation. There was a myriad of folks practicing- young, old, male, female, body types of all sizes. I felt no need to compare, in fact I was in awe of the beauty of each form. Then I looked in the mirror and gave thanks to myself for taking me to yoga and to my body for the amazing things that it’s done and continues to do. Such an amazing tool I’ve been given to walk through this life; I gladly take care of this gift the best that I can.
When these thoughts come to me, I know I’m getting somewhere in the self-love department. Let’s call them “hugs from within”.
